I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
