I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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