I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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