Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
