goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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