My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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