Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
