No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
