i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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