No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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