things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize