So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
