Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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