i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
