I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
