my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
