Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
