We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
don't judge my taste in strippers
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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