yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
