this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
