fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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