there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Come share oat with me in your robe
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
