I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
as a side note pls kill me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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