My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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