Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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