is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
