Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
