In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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