Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
