he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
