why im i the only drunk person in the library?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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