it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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