I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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