Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
