I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
