Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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