About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The ass gains better be worth it
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
