shes about as inviting as chlamydia
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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