That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
