Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
