I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
