This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
