Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
