and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
