I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
