she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
