That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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