he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
only you would photoshop your dick
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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