Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
