fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
