insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
