I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
