His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
