just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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