Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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