the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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