I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
