i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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