I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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