At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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