i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize