So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
