You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
