Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
no you cant smoke seaweed
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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