would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
