I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
