You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
