My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
