Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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